sitting in my underwear at 4 in the morning. man i really get to thinking.
i wish life was easier. wait no. i wish somethings in life were easier. i’m stuck in a grade school romanace (check yes if you like me kind of thing). i mean what is the next step? is there a next step or am i just suppose to go on n life knowing that there was someone who did like me at the same time i liked them? now i do sound like i am in grade school.
there are alot of things i need to change in my life in this next month or so. i would have to put school on the top. why? cause yes i can use the whole “i’m adjusting” excuse but in the end i know that the real reason is because i did not try as hard as i could have. i think the second thing would be getting healthy. i’m going back to school for two weeks but then i’m home for a month. perfect time to get back on my diet and lose the freshman 15.
this list got me thinking about new years resoutions. about 90% of the time people don’t follow it even closely. so i’m deciding now, alittle over a month away, my resoultions and getting a head start so i don’t feel obligated to do all this new shit on one day. i do have to start eating healthier cause i am getting older and soon enough a bag of chips will not be a suitable lunch. next would to be more outgoing at school. ask any of the people who have known me for over a year, over a couple of months!, and they will tell you how wacky and outspoken i am. i haven’t been this shy in years and all of a sudden i am? i think i took a step back. most people become more outgoing in college. i think i became shy. not more shy cause i’m not a shy person at all.
maybe im shy because i don’t want to replace my friends. i love my friends to death but this past weekend made me realize my life is on pause compared to everyone elses. i’m not going to say i am having a miserable time at school because i’m not. i’m just going to say i don’t even have a quarter of the stories any of my friends have. part of me wants more stories but then again am i still going to be friends with these people in 4 years from now? most of the friends i have now i didn’t meet until sophomore year. part of me is holding out until then. if i am still not ‘living the college life’ by then, then there is a possiblity that i will drop out of niu cause i don’t want to put myself through sitting on my computer on a sat night when everyone else is drunk.
that’s another thing. all my friends have turned into drunks. im not going to say i hate drinking but drinking every single thursday, friday, saturday and sometimes even wednesday and sunday is gonna get old. i will never drink on a week night but thats because i told myself after getting invited out on the first thursday of school that i will never drink if i have class the next day. i dont want to be the cliche college student because i have never lived a cliche life. i dont want to be drunk every night but then again i dont want to be stuck in my dorm alone every night either.
but which would i rather have?
-k
